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The big high school Homecoming dance is this weekend. Finn just bought his dance tickets, and the school was kind enough to include a list of acceptable and unacceptable dance behaviors that appear to be right out of the Grease dance contest scene.
I would like to thank the school for providing this list of DOs and DON’Ts, because it provided an evening of hilarity for the Payton family.
Finn: Hey mom, I just got the school dance rules. I thought you would enjoy them.
Me (reading out loud): No pelvis to pelvis contact or thrusting. No pelvis to buttocks contact or thrusting. Gosh, and those are in the DOs. Man, they really don’t want any thrusting.
Finn: I like how they say buttocks, which sounds way dirtier than anything else.
Me (continuing to read): Behave on the dance floor as if your grandmother is there watching you. (To Finn) Well, she’s dead, so that’s super creepy!
(We all laugh hysterically together—my mom would totally have appreciated this bit.)
Me: It says here you have to keep your head above your waist, but it doesn’t say you have to keep it above your date’s waste. Loophole! High five! And have a good time without vulgar connotations or groping. That is totally from the script of Grease. Make sure Vince Fontaine doesn’t tap you on the shoulder, Finn!
I must say, these acceptable behaviors aren’t very positive. Why didn’t they list what you can do? Hey kids, feel free to do the foxtrot or waltz! But OMG, the unacceptable behaviors are even better. No grabbing of the ankles? I agree. That dance move is totally unacceptable (see above). No lap dancing? No dancing on the pole? You have a pole at school? Did my tax dollars pay for that pole? Make it rain! I suppose you can’t go to the champagne room either. Killjoys!
Finn: And no trains that involve thrusting of the pelvis. 
Me: They are really anti-thrusting. You need to request "Time Warp" at the dance. Because it’s just a jump to the left, then a step to the right, with your hands on your hips, you bring your knees in tight. But it’s the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane! At least that’s what I learned in high school at the late night Rocky Horror showings. But that might get you kicked out of the dance, so maybe not. Hey, let’s listen to “Time Warp.”

Tuesday Truth

I believe I mentioned in an earlier post that I sat next to a young woman wearing Metallica pajama pants and sparkly Ugg boots on my plane ride back from Dallas last week. What I didn’t mention was that she was also incredibly sick. She slept through most of the flight, and woke up periodically to hack into the sleeve of her sweatshirt, blow her snotty nose into a tissue, and get up twice to use the restroom. She was getting a lot of dirty looks, but I actually felt sorry for her, because she was traveling alone and she clearly felt awful.

After she got up the second time I got to wondering why more people haven’t resorted to wearing masks and gloves on planes. I’m not a germaphobe (I don’t ever use hand sanitizer and I even use the hotel remote without wiping it off first), but I certainly know people who are, and I’m just surprised that more Americans don’t scrub up during their flights.

I didn’t think much more of it until today when I read that the first Ebola patient was admitted to a Dallas hospital. Jeesh Dallas. And I was just starting to like you again. 

I’m not worried, since I concentrated more on eating steak and Tex-Mex and less on exchanging bodily fluids while I was in Dallas, but it did give me pause. Because airports and hotels and restaurants and people and stuff. Thanks, Obama! 

Saturday Round-Up

We’re having my favorite weather right now. It’s 70 degrees and a little breezy, and the leaves are just starting to turn. I just got back from a long solo walk. Loved it.

My trip to Dallas was pretty whirlwind this week. The young woman who sat next to me on the plane was wearing sparkly Uggs and Metallica pajama pants. I wasn’t sure if I was appalled or jealous.

I took Finn shopping this morning to get a suit for Homecoming. The dance is next weekend. I just measured him and he’s now 5’11”. I’m sure he’ll grow out of the suit by the end of the year, but we had a fun time getting it today. It was worth it.

Scott got a request to shoot a last minute wedding on a sailboat on Lake Union this afternoon. It’s…get this…a three hour tour! He asked if I wanted to go along and be his Gilligan, but I am so wiped out from this week. And I’m not a big fan of boats. I’ll probably totally regret it, since it’s gorgeous out right now, but sometimes you just need to sit in bed with some 100 Grand fun size bars, watch all the stuff on your DVR, and recharge your batteries.

I finally finished The Roosevelts: An Intimate History. Fascinating. I love everything Ken Burn creates. Particularly his hairdos.

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